In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius begins by listing the Virtues he learned from different people in his life. In this post, I look at the Flavors of Love I have learned along the way
This is my favorite post so far. I love the (analogy? metaphor? simile?) "a perfect twirl of mayonnaise served in a waffle cone." Your honest and, at times, self-deprecating review of the flavors of love you have experienced was both insightful and entertaining. -Bec
A great piece, I enjoy the various reflections. Have you heard of love languages? I assume so, but not sure. They’ve got a good quiz which now I say out loud I must do again to see if it’s the same. I believe my love language is quality time, but my husbands is acts of love. Unconditional love is hard to come by and a new flavour in my life. 💚
I was not familiar with love languages. Thank you for sharing it. I know that my wife and I have different languages, especially as we come from very different cultures. Just glancing at the site, I would say my wife is Acts of Service, whereas I would lean more towards Physical Touch and Quality time. As an Expat in Japan, those hugs are hard to come by, so I need to get them where I can!
Here is a link 🔗 It’s got the quiz, which I found useful for not just romantic relationships but also family or even friends.
Yeah you sound like me and your wife sounds like my husband, from your description Japanese culture sounds comparable to Spanish culture.
When you say an expat in Japan, are the Japanese not very huggy? Or more that you don’t know people to hug?
The Spanish are very kissing of the cheeky and touch your arm when they speak, but not so much hugging. My husband’s family isn’t huggy at all and my family is! I don’t know if that’s country culture or family culture!
Japanese culture is very different. Physical contact is simply not done here. My wife does not remember the last time she hugged or was hugged by her mother. My children will hug my family but do not hug their Japanese grandmother. Light physical contact between friends, such as a light touch on the shoulder or forearm while talking, does not happen here.
Essentially, all physical contact here is either intimate or accidental. It is difficult for someone raised in a culture based on more physical contact.
‘All physical contact here is either intimate or accidental.’ Wow that is a big change from Western culture. I’m from a very huggy family and would struggle with that. A very interesting difficult with a different culture. Have you written about that?
I look forward to reading it! I find these little cultural differences and difficulties so interesting. Is there any part of the culture that you connect more to than your own?
Lovely (no pun intended) post. I think my favorite flavor of love, and the one I most struggle with, is self-love. It feels so good when it’s there, like you don’t need anything else, but when it’s not, it’s like your world is falling apart. I think one can learn to live well enough without the other kinds of love, as long as they have self-love, but if they don’t no amount of the other flavors will make up for it.
If I had to pick a favorite, I would go for unconditional love, as it is like sinking into a well of acceptance. The joy my dog shows when I come home from a long trip or the look in my granddaughter's eyes as I reach out for her. I could drink from that well all day. However, as you point out, you can't truly appreciate that without the framework of self-love.
Dear Santa,
This is my favorite post so far. I love the (analogy? metaphor? simile?) "a perfect twirl of mayonnaise served in a waffle cone." Your honest and, at times, self-deprecating review of the flavors of love you have experienced was both insightful and entertaining. -Bec
That mayonnaise line was a last-minute addition. I am glad to hear it landed. Thanks for the feedback, Becky.
A great piece, I enjoy the various reflections. Have you heard of love languages? I assume so, but not sure. They’ve got a good quiz which now I say out loud I must do again to see if it’s the same. I believe my love language is quality time, but my husbands is acts of love. Unconditional love is hard to come by and a new flavour in my life. 💚
I was not familiar with love languages. Thank you for sharing it. I know that my wife and I have different languages, especially as we come from very different cultures. Just glancing at the site, I would say my wife is Acts of Service, whereas I would lean more towards Physical Touch and Quality time. As an Expat in Japan, those hugs are hard to come by, so I need to get them where I can!
https://5lovelanguages.com/start/
Here is a link 🔗 It’s got the quiz, which I found useful for not just romantic relationships but also family or even friends.
Yeah you sound like me and your wife sounds like my husband, from your description Japanese culture sounds comparable to Spanish culture.
When you say an expat in Japan, are the Japanese not very huggy? Or more that you don’t know people to hug?
The Spanish are very kissing of the cheeky and touch your arm when they speak, but not so much hugging. My husband’s family isn’t huggy at all and my family is! I don’t know if that’s country culture or family culture!
Japanese culture is very different. Physical contact is simply not done here. My wife does not remember the last time she hugged or was hugged by her mother. My children will hug my family but do not hug their Japanese grandmother. Light physical contact between friends, such as a light touch on the shoulder or forearm while talking, does not happen here.
Essentially, all physical contact here is either intimate or accidental. It is difficult for someone raised in a culture based on more physical contact.
‘All physical contact here is either intimate or accidental.’ Wow that is a big change from Western culture. I’m from a very huggy family and would struggle with that. A very interesting difficult with a different culture. Have you written about that?
I should. I have referred to it, but not addressed it directly. Thanks for the prompt!
I look forward to reading it! I find these little cultural differences and difficulties so interesting. Is there any part of the culture that you connect more to than your own?
Lovely (no pun intended) post. I think my favorite flavor of love, and the one I most struggle with, is self-love. It feels so good when it’s there, like you don’t need anything else, but when it’s not, it’s like your world is falling apart. I think one can learn to live well enough without the other kinds of love, as long as they have self-love, but if they don’t no amount of the other flavors will make up for it.
If I had to pick a favorite, I would go for unconditional love, as it is like sinking into a well of acceptance. The joy my dog shows when I come home from a long trip or the look in my granddaughter's eyes as I reach out for her. I could drink from that well all day. However, as you point out, you can't truly appreciate that without the framework of self-love.
Thanks for dropping into the comments. 🙏