Have you thought much about how and why you do what you do? To what degree do your emotions and feelings define your path? Who is making the decisions for you? Is it your feelings, your personal monsters, or your rational self?
In a previous post, I spoke about my struggle with feeling unlovable and the troubles that it has caused me. I know this personal monster has occasionally made decisions for me that were not in my best interest.
This article will discuss the Internal Family Systems Model and a Gorilla with a PlayStation controller. The first topic is more complex, so let’s begin with the gorilla.
A Gorilla with a PlayStation Controler
Although the original author of the concept remains a bit unclear, I believe we are all aware of the Infinite monkey theorem, which states:
a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type any given text, including the complete works of William Shakespeare. - Wikipedia: Infinite monkey theorem
This idea is equally absurd and amusing, but the page linked above clearly states, “There is a straightforward proof of this theorem.” So, put that in the win column for monkeys. 🐵
Personally, I identify with a higher order of primates, and believe this theorem must also hold true true for gorillas. Therefore, a gorilla, mashing keys on a PlayStation controller for an infinite amount of time would certainly be able to beat a random high school bully at Street Fighter. Wouldn’t that be satisfying to watch?
I share this idea, as while journaling the other morning I sketched out an image of a gorilla using a PlayStation controller to control my actions based on data it was reading from a collection of screens. (Imagine the gorilla as Homer Simpson and I am the nuclear power plant. Let’s hope the gorilla is more competent.)
In my case, I envision my own life as the game, but I am hoping my inner gorilla does not need infinite time. In fact, he only has one shot, so let’s all hope he does not mess this up.
This imagery is a simplification of a concept I have been thinking about recently, the Internal Family Systems Model.
The Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) is an integrative approach to individual psychotherapy developed by Richard C. Schwartz in the 1980s. It combines systems thinking with the view that the mind is made up of relatively discrete subpersonalities, each with its own unique viewpoint and qualities. IFS uses systems psychology, particularly as developed for family therapy, to understand how these collections of subpersonalities are organized. ~ Wikipedia
The Internal Family Systems Model
I first learned about Internal Family Systems (IFS) from a post on Not So Random Thoughts, where
explained the model at length. I highly recommend his article, and the others in his series. (Open the link below in a new tab for later. 😉 )The simple explanation of the Internal Family Model is that your personality is actually a combination of many personalities and is therefore more like a family. In my case, there are many “Steves” inside of me, the Anxious Steve, the Social Steve, the Professional Steve, etc. Like keys on a chain, each one should be used in the proper time and place. However, we all pull out the wrong key on occasion.
I found IFS very similar to my own practice of naming my inner monsters. In fact, the two models were so close it was like putting the name to a song stuck in the back of my mind. My Zoo of Inner Monsters was just a different name for what Richard Schwartz had defined as IFS. Are the ideas exactly the same? I doubt it, but the similarities will help me to develop my own understanding of my Monster Zoo.
Through my process of moving from struggling to managing my Anxiety and Depression1, my goal has been to claim power over my personal monsters by naming them, allowing me to identify them when they pop up. Whenever I notice “Depressed Steve” taking over, I can tell him to sit down and call forward “Gym Coach Steve” to force me to “Drop down and give me twenty!” In this way, a few push-ups, squats, or jumping jacks may be a quick fix to the situation.
Clearly, this is not a complete solution, and most certainly does not work all the time. My real problem, as I see it now, and as I am sure many others face as well, is that our Inner Families, or Zoos of Inner Monsters, are “Free Range.” My monsters do not seem to respect the barriers of their cages and roam about unfettered. To put it simply, the Zoo needs a Zookeeper.
That is where the gorilla comes in. In my sketches I represented this with a gorilla, as I feel my default traits lean more towards the gorilla than the Santa I want to be. So, I measure myself on a scale of “raging territorial gorilla” to “Joyous Santa-like embodiment of generosity, love, and kindness.” Admittedly, it is a broad scale, and the average measure is somewhere around “gorilla sitting quietly eating shoots and leaves.”
Many of the Monsters Are Not Monsters
The IFS model goes beyond the simplicity of your moods. It is more than that. There is your Inner Child, your Inner Critic, or your Inner Teenager, which
shares in her article linked below.The important thing with the IFS model is that you face the Inner Family members, you run into the fire rather than hide from it. It can be scary to face down your Inner Child, your Inner Critic, or just your Inner Anger. But it is the path to healing.
You can choose to play hide-and-seek for the rest of your life or buckle in and have some hard conversations with your Inner Family instead. Rather than giving in to your Inner Child and becoming petulant due to some inferred slight, face that feeling and explore it. TALK to your Inner Child, and say, “It is OK to feel that way. Now, let’s look at WHY you feel that way.”
Have a discussion with your Inner Monsters, your Inner Family, you Inner Chia Pets if that is what you want to call them. Just don’t hide from them or let them “take the wheel” while “Rational/Present You” sits back and lets them.
Maybe, my Inner Monsters are only ‘Monsters’ because I haven’t fully accepted them yet. Perhaps, through some internal dialogue I may be able to tame them and make them my Inner Family. And, or course, put them back in cages along with my Inner Brat, etc. 😜
Ho, ho, ho! It’s time to go.
The Takeaway
Next time you feel an Inner Monster trying to take over, look inward. Rather than responding to it, by acting outwardly in ways you may regret, take a new approach. Take a deep breath, look inward, greet the Inner Monster, and have a conversation with it.
I tend to capitalize these as they ain’t no joke. They are quite real to me, so I treat them as real. My interactions with these two are real, and more intimate, than my interactions with most people, so I treat them with respect.
My experience is so like what you wrote about. I also have names for the different people in my mind. At one point I wondered if I had a version of multiple personality disorder but realized my experience was pretty universal. I was just more aware of the shifts and different parts of me than some people are. Instead of cursing some of the voices I’ve been asking them questions like, “Who hurt you?” When I first heard about IFS it made complete sense to me. I have been meaning to learn more about it. 😊Thanks for sharing your experience!
Love reading about IFS from a new angle, Steve. And what fabulous gorilla sketches!!